Thursday, January 12, 2012

The NBA's Best Names: Active Edition

Contributing writer Alex Goglia rifles off some of the leagues most notable names...

Sundiata Gaines (Nets) – did you know that Sundiata is not, as I assumed, pronounced Sun-dee-ya-
ta? It’s Soon-jah-tuh. 

Carmelo Anthony (Knicks) – the fact that he’s a household name is no reason for us to forget that the name “Carmelo” is inherently hilarious.

Thaddeus Young (76ers) – if I were to guess what someone named Thaddeus Young looks like based on name alone, I would picture a pale 15th century British gentleman in a powder wig and white ruffly shirt. Somehow that description does not quite describe the 76ers’ Thad Young. 

 Zaza Pachulia (Hawks) – an aging burlesque dancer?
Bismack Biyombo (Bobcats) – probably one of the better athlete names ever. Bismack. He can’t help but be tremendous. 

Von Wafer (Magic) – an off-brand grocery store cracker? 

Julyan Stone (Nuggets) – seems like they wrote a “y” instead of an “i” on the birth certificate and just decided to call him Julyan because it was written in pen. 
Where are the 3 Bears?

Andrew Goudelock (Lakers) – his last name sounds like Goldilocks. That is all. 

Markieff Morris (Suns) – this happens more often than one would expect: the one sibling (in this case Markieff’s twin brother Marcus of the Rockets) gets a normal name while the other gets an absolutely crazy-sounding name. Like Markeiff. 

Sebastian Telfair (Suns) – another entry into the “15th century British gentleman” category. Imagine someone saying the name Sebastian in a condescending English accent while holding a cup of tea with their pinky out. Seh-baass-tee-yannn. 

Jimmer Fredette (Kings) – real name is James Taft Fredette, which is not necessarily a cool name. What is cool is having a unique enough name that people can refer to you on a single name basis (i.e., Kobe, Lebron, Dirk) (not i.e., Chris Paul, Jeff Green, Ryan Anderson). Even if it is a goofy-ass nickname like Jimmer. 

Quincy Pondexter (Grizzlies) – the third election into “15th century British gentleman” all star team. 

Carldell Johnson (Hornets) – my early vote for best name in the NBA. Carldell is the single best name I’ve ever heard. 

Darington Hobson (Bucks) - The most gangster Elf in Middle Earth.

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